Do you like classic cars and rockin’ guitars?
Candy floss and cupcakes?
Vintage clothes?
…Beer?
Then look no further than Pirate City Rollers’ first big fundraiser for 2010 – the Jukebox Jamboree!

Jukebox Jamboree is like the school gala you always wanted, but forget the white elephant sales and awkward Monkees cover bands of old, Jukebox Jamboree is going to be loud, fast, fun and fancy… and it’s all on your back doorstep.

The dear hearts at Mt Albert Primary School have (foolishly?) loaned Pirate City Rollers a fabulous space for the day, so come along, relive the days when you were three feet tall, and get a hot rod ride, candy floss, some new vintage digs and an ice cold beer while you’re at it.

The girls have a wealth of talent at their fingertips, so stick around into the evening for boisterous bands, burlesque beauties, and of course – brews.

This fundraiser is all in aid of getting the Pirates to their first-ever Australasian tournament. So if you promise to come along and support your local derby league, they’ll promise to get to Australia and do this country proud. Come one, come all!

So on Saturday March 20, get your ass along to Mt Albert Primary School from 4pm-10pm and have a great time for us. Thank you!

Back by popular demand – the hottest all-girl syncronised-wading water-ballet troupe this summer, the Wet Hot Bitches presents
Wet Hot Beauties!

Pretty ladies all in a row!
A fantastical aquacade!
A memorial to the King Of Pop!
A hand in glove mix of syncronised swimming and water boogie – don’t miss the underwater hit of the summer!

Two performances – Sunday 28 February at 5:00pm,
and Sunday 7 March at 3:00pm

At: The historic Parnell Baths, Judges Bay Road, Parnell.

WHBs performing for your koha at these glamorous outdoor heated salt-water pools. Entry to the Baths is $5.70 for swimmers (and please join us pre & post-performance for splashy fun) and $1 for spectators.

Deeply silly, delightful and glorious, the 40s era water musical aquacade is back, MJ styles!
Hilarious!
Hot!
Wet!
Wet Hot Beauties!

Downtown, trying to avoid munters. Just overheard: he’s wasted as, bro – @hadyngreen

Trying to figure out a place I can flee to today to avoid the munt – @robyngallagher

will have to brave the railway station soon. Psyching myself up for Olympic-class munter-dodging – @badtom

There was even a diagram to try and make sense of it all. Here’s a re-enactment:

Don’t let This Kind Of Thing happen in Auckland, team. We’ve already sold Hamilton the dummy on the V8s, the leaden-footed Rugby World Cup preparations could yet bear fruit and, godwilling, we won’t have to worry about that pesky America’s cup for while, either. If YOU see any money spinning events featuring crowds of people with pockets stuffed with disposable income having a good time approaching Auckland, let us or your local city council fuss budget know *immediately*.

Yachting doesn’t really have the reputation as a fast-paced spectator sport. However, North Head provided a surprisingly good view of the entire course, and a couple of spectators had brought their transistor radios so everyone could hear the (granted, necessary) commentary. This spectator appreciated far more the experience of watching the race in real life – in particular, at the closest end of the course, one could actually hear the boats creaking when they tacked. That’s kinda cool! Although the competition got quite tense a couple of times, the experience was pretty similar to watching something soothing, like a fire or a fishtank, except somewhat more grandiose.

One observation: it would appear that all the sniping about expat traitors is more restricted to talkback radio than actual yachting fans, if the cries of “go, Russell!” were anything to go by. Unfortunately for the Coutts fans, and despite a couple of promising-looking challenges, BMW Oracle was lagging most of the way, and Alinghi was the winner on the day.

A quick backgrounder: this match racing series was conceived to provide a bit of yachting entertainment for crew and fans, while ongoing legal wrangles hold up the next America’s Cup. The yachts are not the bleeding-edge technology that’s become the controversial highlight of recent America’s Cup challenges, but identical racing yachts, so races are won on the skill (and luck) of the crew. This also makes it difficult to tell the teams apart, from a distance (hence the necessity of commentary). Racing continues daily until February 15th, depending on conditions. You could visit the slightly-annoying Louis Vuitton Pacific Series website, but it’s probably easier to just skip to the detail at TVNZ.

So, if you’re going to Vector for a gig, the netball or whatever else, don’t be ripped off by Wilsons’ and Tournament carparks nearby, who put on ‘special’ or ‘You must be taking the f*cking p*ss!?!’ rates for events. Park at Auckland City’s railway carpark in the morning at $7 for 24 hours, stroll down to Britomart and take the bus to work. Job done – just leave a space for me.

It’s all happening in and around the Viaduct basin, with a fine array of boats and yachts in all shapes, sizes and budgets, as well as loads of boating bits and pieces.

It’s $16 to get in for the day – and you need to take your shoes off to clamber on board most of the boats, so go prepared with a slinky set of boat shoes or elegently wasted jandals.

It’s a fantastic spot for people watching, with salty sea dogs rubbing shoulders with American millionaires shopping for the next Launch in the fleet. New Zealand’s boat builders are world-renowned and some of the vessels on display are just beautiful. Recommended.

Devonport and Bayswater residents working in the CBD (or within striking distance of Britomart) have one of the loveliest commutes around – they get to take the ferry across the Waitemata harbor. It’s a very relaxing, urbane and zen way to get to work, which is lucky as the peninsula is a harder drive out of than a lake of chainsaws, the one road in and out is notoriously congested, even more so with the new cycle ways. Predictably, residents are queuing up to hand back their MBEs, claiming the lanes create traffic purgatory. I bike from the East Coast Bays to the Bayswater ferry a couple of times a week to get to work, so here’s a little tour from the velo-point of view.

Lake Road, between Esmonde and Hauraki Corner.

A horrible stretch of road. No bike ways here, but four lanes of impatient traffic with rough, bumpy tarmac. Frankly, this is a shit to cycle as there’s very little room for cars to pass, and it’s often congested, especially at the weekend for some reason.

The road works at the Lake Road / Esmonde Road intersection aren’t helping, in fairness. Their completion may be the key to making the whole thing tick. To me, this is one of the most dangerous and narrow stretches, and we could really use some bike lanes here!

BP Station, cnr Lake Road and Hororata Rd

This is better. Wide, single lane traffic that is rarely congested at the times I ride it (between 7 and half past).

There’s no parking on either side, which helps, as riding past parked cars with people potentially opening their doors in front of you is probably the biggest obstacle to keeping your nice helmet in one piece.

Lake Road, near Takapuna Grammar

This is the section that’s upsetting everyone. Cyclists look at this and think perfect, a nice wide street with plenty of room between you and the cars, while motorists look at it and think where did my lanes and parking go?

People that write letters to editors claim school children are in danger of being run down by impatient motorists (what, they weren’t impatient before?) running red lights at Takapuna Grammar’s crossing. This is people on bikes’ fault, apparently.

Belmont Shops

Lake Road’s cycle ways are like cats, they come and go as they please. In this busy section of dairies and pizza places with people coming, going and opening car doors like they’ve dropped their cigarette, you’re on your own.

Overall, I think Lake Road’s cycle ways are flawed. For motorists, there’s no bus alternative, and that may have been the spoonful of sugar to go with this medicine. For cyclists, it’s better than before, but the sections without lanes remain as dangerous as ever.

Forcing the lanes on resistant residents who have real trouble seeing last the hood ornament was always a flawed strategy – it’s got people talking, though, check out the Metro debate here (what about that picture!). It’s admirable to aim for an Amsterdam-style cycling paradise, but is it realistic? I’ve not seen any increase in bikes on the ferry since the lanes arrived, with about eight per crossing. It does rain a lot here, you know.

Who’s playing, then?
New Zealand and England – for non Cricket fans, a (very laboured) Hollywood analogy would be that England are like Roger Moore – very wooden, with a stiff upper lip, and living on past glories. Star player is Kevin Pieterson, a transplanted South African known for aggressive brilliance with the bat, and being more obsessed with his hairstyle than best mate Shane Warne. He likes a drink, as do most of the England players, there’s a good chance you’ll see them in the bars of an evening.

New Zealand are like Christopher Walken – great in the 80s, extremely limited in style, but well capable of unexpected brilliance. Star player is Wicketkeeper Brendan McCullum, who is long on creative big hitting but disappointingly, short on drunken scandal. He’s a family man.

When are they playing?
There’s a 20/20 match on 5 February and a day/night match on 15 February, and they’re both at Eden Park, which is in Sandringham. You can get tickets from Ticketek, and suss out transport with Maxx.

What’s a 20/20 match?

• 20/20 is a recent invention that looks to be the game’s saviour – its condensed format (it only lasts as long as a game of Rugby) means there’s lots of big hitting without the time commitment. It DOES make traditionalists drop their watercress sandwiches in horror, though
• the New Zealanders wear those cool beige uniforms
• for the Cricket curious, 20/20 is a great option, you’re guaranteed excitement and a hyped up crowd, without it taking all day

What’s a Day/Night match?

• lasts around eight hours, starting in the afternoon and going into the evening. Watching Cricket at night is really, really cool
• it’s a *slightly* more traditional form of Cricket – the format’s been around since the mid 70s
• if you’re lucky, the game will be close. There’s few more utterly enthralling spectacles in sport than a Cricket match going down to the wire

What’s the deal with Eden Park?
Eden Park has four main stands, plus boxes – here’s what to expect:

• Southern – Auckland Grammar Old Boys abound. Most likely to see men wearing ties here
• ASB – New stand with great food and drink facilities, and crucially, a bit of shade further back
• Western – Favoured by Cricket purists, due to good view from ‘behind the bowler’s arm’
• Terraces – Hot. Damned hot. Greater potential for being showered with urine-filled bottles during the Mexican wave here than anywhere else. Can be a lot of fun with the right spot and attitude
• Corporate Box – SCORE!! If it’s a work do, just watch the drinking early, you don’t want chew the MD’s ear off for three hours about your LOTR figurine collection before vomiting on them

Wherever you sit, logistics are very similar to the Big Day Out. Bring a hat, some sealed bottled water, loads of sunscreen, cash, and if you’re smuggling liquor, go old school with the vodka injected watermelon, or get your mum to carry it in.

Where’s a good pub to watch the match?
The Kingslander – it’s close enough to Eden Park to get a little of the atmosphere, and for sport, the veritable shedload of TVs come into their own, instead of merely fucking up the feng shui.