But seriously, the ‘In Wellington’ page in today’s Sunday Star Times section  documents ladies’ night at The Establishment.

It’s enough to make anyone want to live in Auckland.

So to celebrate my impending move, I am writing a list. All the stuff you say ‘I should totally do that one day’ – goes on the list. Thanks to my Wellington list, I’ve eaten dinner at the restaurant with Wellington’s best location and worst food (Fisherman’s Table), dragged flatmates on day trips (Somes Island), attended my first sports game (Phoenix) and investigated Welly’s urban legends (the trippy tree).

In return, I may provide vaugley interesting reports back on my list-based activities. So let me know! What needs to be on the list?

Do you like classic cars and rockin’ guitars?
Candy floss and cupcakes?
Vintage clothes?
…Beer?
Then look no further than Pirate City Rollers’ first big fundraiser for 2010 – the Jukebox Jamboree!

Jukebox Jamboree is like the school gala you always wanted, but forget the white elephant sales and awkward Monkees cover bands of old, Jukebox Jamboree is going to be loud, fast, fun and fancy… and it’s all on your back doorstep.

The dear hearts at Mt Albert Primary School have (foolishly?) loaned Pirate City Rollers a fabulous space for the day, so come along, relive the days when you were three feet tall, and get a hot rod ride, candy floss, some new vintage digs and an ice cold beer while you’re at it.

The girls have a wealth of talent at their fingertips, so stick around into the evening for boisterous bands, burlesque beauties, and of course – brews.

This fundraiser is all in aid of getting the Pirates to their first-ever Australasian tournament. So if you promise to come along and support your local derby league, they’ll promise to get to Australia and do this country proud. Come one, come all!

So on Saturday March 20, get your ass along to Mt Albert Primary School from 4pm-10pm and have a great time for us. Thank you!

To further introduce myself I’ve been instructed to comment on what I love and hate about the city.

I’m an unoriginal hater – here’s a sample

The traffic. Still.

Ponsonby at night. A place where far too many people go clubbing without irony. It’s not that I have a technical objection to the suburb itself, or even the idea of rubbing up against moist strangers while paying for an overpriced hangover, and indeed I’ve indulged before – but let’s face it – the practice is patently hilarious, particularly for those of us over 30 who do, in fact know better, even if we pretend sometimes that we don’t.

Insipid dress sense. All other places in New Zealand have their own looks – messy, a little frayed around the edges, possibly a bit over-wrapped but at least distinctive. Auckland – you are a paean to label rip-offs, terrifyingly tight pants and shoes that regularly cause podiatrists and chiropractors to wake screaming in the night

I guess that brings me to the part where I have to dish up the love. In many ways a harder task

The weather – the tropics are sweatier and the South is colder. Auckland – go the happy medium.

The harbour – filled with pleasure craft, islands of imaginable size and serviced regularly by ferries, an escape from the traffic under what are likely to be fairly pleasant climatic conditions is only a 25 bucks and a cracker away.

That waft of something cosmopolitan. Despite the generally dull sartorial decisions made by its population, Auckland does exhibit an outward-lookingness – a sense of the infinitely possible and a break from what is parochial. This is most probably because such a large chunk of inhabitants aren’t from Auckland. However, I believe it may be the only place in New Zealand to lay genuine claim to this quality and I, for one, do appreciate it. Mwa.

There are lots of other things I have a casual affection for: Crummer Road – the quietest street in Grey Lynn, Ponsonby Video Ezy, Chocolate Boutique Café in Parnell, Cafe Cezanne, Albert Street’s Food Alley, The Big Day Out, an impressive selection of pub gigs, the Academy and Lido Cinemas, Borders, City Libraries, having four universities to choose from….I could go on. And maybe I will – but, next time.

What: Premiere of Drinking Liberally, Auckland
When: 7.30pm, Wednesday 2 July (and then the fourth Wednesday of every month)
Where: London Bar, Cnr Queen and Wellesley Streets
Speaker: David Slack – blogger/author/radio commentator/all-round-nice-guy, speaking on the subject of “New Zealand the way you want it?”

Still no word on whether the conservative equivalent, “National Drinking Problem”, will similarly come to Auckland.

The new range of oh-so-pretty ladies’ wear takes over where Misery Boutique left off.

(Amy nicked this pic off of Illicit’s myspace page).

This just sounds like heaps of fun, and quite beguilingly odd.

Manda

They are also looking for items for the goody bags and/or sponsorship for this event which is $250. In return for sponsorship your logo is displayed on the website and, if sponsored in time, on the posters advertising the event.  If you are keen to help out then head to the website and get in touch with the organizers via the sponsorship page. 

We’ve managed to stumble onto what may very well be the worst milkshake in the universe. There is no way a worse milkshake could ever be created even if I left Earth in a spaceship and travelled for 13 to the power of 98 years in the same direction where, you’d think, the laws of probability dictate that one should find a milkshake that at least equalled its putrid essence.