Hi, I’m Jill and I’m NSFW. As the Aucklandista’s newest member, Jo suggested that it could be in my area of expertise if I was to pick up a topic that the Wellingtonista is still receiving comments on – places to go dogging in Auckland.

I tried to tell her that I’d never even considered it, but when Jo makes “suggestions”, it’s very similar to the Mafia telling you what to do except with a “I mean, if you want to” tacked on at the end. So I managed to find myself a friend with a car and we went out on a Dog Out to do some Serious Investigative Journalism. Read on for the (SPOILER ALERT!) very boring results.

Our first stop was the bottom car park at Mount Eden, because it was 10pm by the time I had persuaded my driver friend to participate in my crazy scheme, and the Wellingtonista comments said that it closed at 11pm. We saw nothing and no one, but it was a nice spot for me to have a quick smoke in. I hope that’s not tapu. So instead, we set off down Mt Eden Road towards our next destination.

Onehunga went through a bit of a stage of being the hot place to buy houses, at least according to one Metro article one time or something but it is not a hot place for dogging. We went to the Orpheus Street Reserve, and there was a souped up car full of teenagers who were drinking RTDs, except for the driver, we’re assuming. They didn’t appear to be having sex, but beneath all those baggy hoodies, who could really tell?

We had planned to go to Murphys Bush Reserve but it looked too far away according to Google, so we hopped on the motorway and went to look for “auckland domain still has a gravel car park on the northern end, off the road that leads to the port motorway that can be good at times”. Honestly, by that stage I was far too stoned to navigate and was much keener to find a drive-through Wendy’s, so we returned to Mount Eden for salted goodness, went home, and downloaded some porn instead. Sorry Auckland, I will try to be a better journalist next time, I swear.