There is no serious dissent to the opinion that Dominion Road is a seriously fine place. None at all. What there is, you can easily write off using the latest in vicious anti-opinionationary technology, and be done with it. Dominion Road is a seriously fine place. You can eat good food, do your groceries (by which I mean, buy them, but you know, it’s a free country), and go rock climbing! How cool is that?

So, imagine how they could devibe this. Imagine how a person could take the wonderment of Dominion Road and make it suck. How? Taggers? Come on! Being against taggers was so a fortnight ago. Think! Epic amounts of dogshit! Yes. That would be true, if it was true. But the dogs of the Eden Valley seem well restrained, so move on. How about…death…on a grad scale?

Yeah, that would be pretty much a universal bummer. But that’s filed under “dog shit” as not true, yeah? Yeah. And here, by “yeah”, I mean “no”.

At the top end of Dominion Road, right after you pass the Chinese supermarkets, just before you get to the crossing to go down Valley Road or View Road, one or the other, because you get the two mixed up, you walk past Target. Furniture, you think. Not today. Not enough room in my backpack. And then, there’s a reason alluded to above, a reason why you decide not today, not any day. Death. On an epic scale.

Because, Target is the House of A Thousand Corpses. Sprinkled across the carpet of their display window: an invertebrate graveyard. A zombie zoo established proudly across the floor, for all the public to roll up, roll up and have a look at. Cockroaches as big as a matchbox! See many flies as their death throes are recorded for your amusement and pleasure!

See our staff as they vigourously and rigourously don’t vaccum the floor! Entrance is free! Strike that: viewing is free! Who’s going inside now?